About Mama

Dear readers, followers and friends,

I am a 39 year old mother of two kids. I’m somewhere in Europe. This is an as-anonymous-as-can-be project about my venture to find a way to heal from a number of mental wounds.

I have two children. At this time they’re 4yo and 2yo. My journey started when I was actually looking for explanations about my son’s unusual behaviour. The first explanations I found came right back to me. And then the fundament my life’s built on crashed upon me and I realised how troubled I was.

This is my story and hopefully my son’s therapy at one point. At this time I am certain that I have an addiction to food (and other things), I may have been traumatised as a child and I am somehow always on a run from myself. This is where I’m starting my journey.

I haven’t done therapy so far in my life. Although I have been at those crossroads when I needed help a few times and considered it. Somehow I’ve managed to recover alone. Now I realise that I have the strenghts to survive many burdens in life but not the happiness to enjoy life and live it to its full potential. This is where I want to be. I want to feel that happiness or joy. I don’t want to be a survivor and runaway anymore.

I’m looking for ways to heal. I want to understand trauma and the consequences of adversity. I want to understand the connections between illness and mental health. I want to find and try ways which dissolve patterns of suffering not merely mitigate them.

This is a personal story. It is emotional. Boring at times. Very challenging with my worldly beliefs. I’m not looking for consolation or commiseration. I don’t want a lecture on how we’re supposed to be strong. How we should keep our sorrows to ourselves. I refuse to look away and merely survive. I want to live.
And I hope that one day when I’ve lifted myself up a bit I can inspire others that are on the same search. You may also want to have a look at my book list to find inspiration where to start your own journey. There’s so much healing potential out there, we just have to start somewhere and try and trust ourselves that we can do it and be patient with us.

Thisblog is for myself and those yearning for inner and true happiness and peace with ourselves.

I’m a friend of nature as scared as I am of it, too. I believe we are given all the tools we need to lead a happy life with birth. We just have to have trust in nature and ourselves and a sense of adventure and courage to look the uncomfortable in the eye. I don’t think we need methods that overwrite who we are or any studies that prove some of these odd methods right. I don’t trust modern science (most of the times) and where it is taking us. I believe the answer for almost everything is the simplicity nature has provided us with. This is where I am looking for answers…

Edit: I want to explain my wish to stay anonymous. I don’t want to reveal my country. My nationality will alter my story. Believe me. I can’t reveal who I am because I need to protect the protagonists of my story. My family. Please forgive me if  this steals some of the authenticity of my story.

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Life as a troubled mother and wife. Fighting my issues such as food addictions hoping that one day my healing will me my son's healing.